Dear esteemed debaters for Team Bella and the Anti Sparkly Vampire League,
I have listened to your arguments in regards to a ‘fading Twilight‘. They have been informative. For instance, I never knew that President Bush had pushed for sexy abstinence programs in American schools: ‘not only should you not have sex, but you should be sexy at the same time’ (Jeff Sparrow). Nor did I realise that many boys consider porn ‘educational’, that one in three teenage girls have been coerced into sexual acts by their boyfriends (Van Badham).
You’ve used smutty humour such as ‘sub-zero penises’, and ‘frozen sperm’ to point out that ‘promotion of abstinence…is outdated, out of touch, and insulting to women’ (Chris Flynn), and accused us of literary snobbery (Kate Forsyth) and Stephanie Meyer of bad prose (Ben Chandler) . You’ve even brought up my favourite topic of the month, Mr Joss Whedon, via musings on Angel/Angelus, a real vampire (Ben Chandler).
But only one argument came close to the debate topic, ‘Fading Twilight‘, and that was the number-crunching. Nineteen thousand Breaking Dawns being sold per week (Bec Kavanagh)? That’s suggestive of a here-to-stay phenomenon. If only you had produced evidence of unmitigated sales as well, instead of making vague references to the New York Times Best Seller lists, we might have all been convinced one way or another.
Unfortunately, you did not, and as a result, the debate on ‘Fading Twilight‘ had strayed completely off topic. Come on. Who cares if Edward’s a prude? Or how male-dominated the publishing industry is? And why on earth are we talking about ‘pink icypole penises’?
Instead, we should have been examining Twilight’s continuing impact on its readers and the rest of society. Has it improved the literacy rate in children and adolescents? Has it affected reading patterns? Kavanagh mentioned increased sales in Wuthering Heights; that’s a good start. Has Twilight become set texts in schools that promote abstinence? Has it been duplicated by other writers (YES), adapted for film (YES) and graphic novels (YES), and parodied (YES)? These are the questions that need to be answered in a debate about the staying power of Twilight. That little girl in the audience might have been laughing at your jokes but even she wasn’t convinced by the pointless rhetoric.
See, that’s the thing, esteemed debaters from Team Bella and ASVL. This debate was part of the MWF’s Schools’ Program. We’re supposed to be teaching kids how to make a proper argument, instead of teaching them bad habits. ‘So long as you’re eloquent, the devil may care’ is what they’ve learnt today, thanks to you. You should be ashamed of yourselves.